CONSIDERATION VS. PERMISSION Don’t you hate to approach your spouse/partner with questions that can elicit the answer “NO!”?   For example: “Honey, is it OK if I …(fill in the blank)?”  Or, “Can I …(fill in the blank)?”   Some of you guys out there, more than once, have implored your partner/spouse:  “Can I go bowling tonight?”  […]

Immediately Reduce Conflict By 50%–Here’s How In the physician’s office you’re not likely to query your doctor about his/her ailments.  If you did, your own problem might not be adequately addressed. When you go to a physician,  you go to explain what it is YOU are experiencing–where YOU hurt–what YOUR problem is.  You do that […]

In “Sorry,” Part 1, I mentioned that apology is rare in some marriages. Why is that? After all, during courtship couples create a bond they dearly desire and strive to protect. I have heard many couples mention that apology occurred more frequently during courtship than during the entire span of the marriage. Here are some thoughts about infrequent/absent apology.

CounselorLetter This issue of CounselorLetter will focus on apology. Apparently Elton John was so accurate when he said, in one of his songs, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” The complaint that apologies are offered too infrequently and insincerely is near the top of the list couples mention in my office.  The desire for, […]

CounselorLetter DIFFERENTIATION & PERSONAL INQUIRY Differentiation is a clinical term, and when therapists talk or write about it, it often leads to confusion.  I’m going to try anyway, because I think the concept  is a good one, and can be helpful  for couples who are trying to make their relationship more satisfying.  It is a […]