Negotiate Effectively

Conflict and Negotiation In my last post about reducing repetitive fighting, I outlined what can and cannot be negotiated.  Feelings, values and attitudes cannot be negotiated.  Behaviors can be negotiated.   Before negotiating a change pertaining to a particular behavior, the impact of the behavior must first be understood. Understanding is dependent on the couple’s […]


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Reducing Repetitive Fighting

The Secrets To Reducing Repetitive Fighting In my last post I talked about the futility of repetitive fighting, and explained that repetitive fights often occur because we try to negotiate what cannot be negotiated: Feelings, attitudes and values—they cannot be negotiated. Feelings, attitudes and values are at the core of many, although not necessarily all, […]


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Futile Fighting Kills Marriage

        FUTILE FIGHTING Here are two marital anthems sung about conflict by many couples: 1. “We fight about everything!” 2. “We fight about the same thing or things over, and over again. And the longer you have struggled with these, you probably have been creating distance and resentment, and worse yet, weakening […]


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Reconnecting At The End Of The Day

At the beginning of a relationship it is easy for two people to connect with one another. We loved coming home at the end of the day and being asked:  “How was your day?” All the kisses, the hugs, the conversations, the sex, the whole nine yards felt sweeter than honey! With the passage of […]


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What REALLY Changes A Relationship?

It is often said that successful people do the things that unsuccessful people either don’t want to do, can’t do, or won’t do. I have found in all my years of doing counseling with couples, that the same axiom holds true for them: happy couples do the things that less happy or unhappy couples don’t […]


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