Turns out that it’s the little things that make the biggest differences in the day to day routine with our partners/spouses that leave a couple feeling closer to, and safer with, each other.
Try the following, and note the responses:
–Catch your partner in the act of doing something you like and point it out…
–Make a positive comment about him/her regarding ANYTHING…
–Ask yourself during a stressful moment with her/him if what you are about to say is likely to be helpful…
–Consider saying three apparently difficult words more frequently…”I am sorry…”
–Refrain from commenting on something that bugs you that you typically do comment on…
At the end of the day, Pete Pearson of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park recommends each of you share with the other the following exercise while lying bed about to fall asleep:
“I regret (fill in the blank)
“I request (fill in the blank)
“I appreciate (fill in the blank)
Additionally, ask yourself at the end of the day: “Have I been the partner/spouse I aspire to be, and committed to be?” Or, “Have I lived according to the values I purport to possess as an individual and spouse/partner?”
If you want to experience a moment of vulnerability, try asking those questions out loud, and hear your partner’s/spouse’s perceptions and thoughts.
Wishing you a satisfying relationship,
Jim Hutt, Ph.D., MFT
©2012 CounselorLink.com & Jim Hutt, Ph.D., MFT
All rights reserved
Hi Jim,
These are wonderful suggestions. We can all use some reminders regarding our spouses as the years go by. Thank you for sharing this informative post.
Comment by Cathy | Treatment Talk — March 17, 2012 @ 6:13 pm
Thank you, Cathy, I appreciate your feedback– A LOT! And those of you who have not yet joined Cathy’s blog, Treatment Talk, go there now. It is a great forum!
Comment by Dr. J. Hutt — March 18, 2012 @ 12:47 pm
Very helpful tips.
If my partner and i are able to practice these, i bet we would have a better relationship
Comment by Miriam — November 19, 2012 @ 10:26 am
Thank you so very much for your informative website. I encountered this while working on a take-home exam as I am embarking on a possible path in addictions counseling. I appreciate how you refer to other sources in your videos and your posts are very clear-minded and helpful. Although I tried to sign up for your Counselor Letter, the post does not seem to work right now. I also appreciate your modern approach and informative presentation regarding fees! Blessings on your practice.
Comment by Sue Stern — December 9, 2012 @ 10:16 pm