“Sorry,” – Part 1

CounselorLetter This issue of CounselorLetter will focus on apology. Apparently Elton John was so accurate when he said, in one of his songs, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” The complaint that apologies are offered too infrequently and insincerely is near the top of the list couples mention in my office.  The desire for, […]


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Differentiation

CounselorLetter DIFFERENTIATION & PERSONAL INQUIRY Differentiation is a clinical term, and when therapists talk or write about it, it often leads to confusion.  I’m going to try anyway, because I think the concept  is a good one, and can be helpful  for couples who are trying to make their relationship more satisfying.  It is a […]


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Blame & Defensiveness

CounselorLetter Blame & Defensiveness Damage Relationships Conflict is unavoidable. We all face it daily whether with a spouse, sibling, friend, employer, boyfriend, girlfriend or stranger. Blame is one element of conflict that tends to inhibit conflict management. What is Blame? When viewed from one perspective, blame is the placing of responsibility on the object or […]


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The Perfect Mate-Part 2

CounselorLetter The Perfect Mate–Part 2 (“Perfect Mate, Part 1″ is here) As you can tell from reading The Perfect Mate, Part 1, there really isn’t “the” perfect mate. Perhaps the most important notion to keep in mind is that the closest thing to perfection we can achieve in a relationship is providing a safe environment […]


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Thoughts & Feelings

CounselorLetter THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS: WHAT ARE THEY AND HOW DO THEY DIFFER? WHY DOES IT MATTER? WHAT THEY ARE AND HOW THEY DIFFER Thoughts: Thoughts convey to the listener what we are thinking. Sometimes these are referred to as cognitions. Thoughts and beliefs (another form of thought) usually precede our emotional or feeling state(s). The […]


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