Avoid Fighting–The Recipe

November 1st, 2012

  It never hurts to revisit an old topic, one that applies to every one of us: I am referring to effective conflict management. Three or four times a week I have a couple in my office and one of them says they are afraid of conflict. When I asked them what that means, typically […]


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Secrets To Reducing Defensiveness

July 10th, 2012

Reducing Defensiveness There are several things that get in the way of relationship satisfaction, and I suppose it’s up for debate as to which one is the most destructive. The one I see most frequently in my office, usually on a daily basis, is defensiveness.  From what I can tell, no one is immune–we ALL […]


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Fighting and Conflict Are Not the Same

December 11th, 2011

  One way to undercut a relationship is by not managing conflict effectively. And that will usually occur one of two ways: Either you are afraid of conflict, and avoid it, or your methods of managing conflict render you more like a bull in a china shop than like a loving partner. Both methods may […]


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“Relief Divorce”–Don’t Fall In To The Trap

October 10th, 2011

I have been in practice long enough to see many couples and families develop over the the past thirty years.  While there are countless stories over a full range of of topics,  one that greatly interests me involves divorce. Many couples and individuals have come to counseling after divorcing fifteen, twenty or twenty five years […]


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Resentful Compliance vs Commitment

June 27th, 2011

The focus of this post is to elaborate on two related themes: One, the differences between resentful compliance and commitment; Two, how understanding those differences can alter the course of a relationship. Resentful Compliance Resentful compliance is an agreement that is not an agreement, but sounds like one.  Right away you can see the potential […]


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