Comments on: Infidelity Recovery http://www.counselorlink.com/infidelity-relief-couples-marriage/#utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=infidelity-relief-couples-marriage Professional Counseling, Psychotherapy, Conflict Resolution and Communication Sun, 11 Apr 2010 17:11:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Jim Hutt, Ph.D. http://www.counselorlink.com/infidelity-relief-couples-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-47 Jim Hutt, Ph.D. Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:21:07 +0000 http://www.counselorlink.com/?p=34#comment-47 Thanks, Nick, for your contribution to this subject. My guess is you were not so much as lucky, but more likely committed--to your partner, yourself and the relationship. It sounds as though both of you did, and continue to do, the crucial work that enabled the two of you to build a brand new trust, and deepen the relationship. I appreciate your mention of "triggers." I have found with the couples I counsel that in addition to avoiding or deflecting a trigger, discussing the trigger with your partner is another way to build trust, prevent the infidelity, and maintain the transparency required by many couples recovering from an infidelity. I encourage you both to continue showing up for each other. I only gets better! Great work! Dr. Hutt Thanks, Nick, for your contribution to this subject. My guess is you were not so much as lucky, but more likely committed–to your partner, yourself and the relationship. It sounds as though both of you did, and continue to do, the crucial work that enabled the two of you to build a brand new trust, and deepen the relationship.

I appreciate your mention of “triggers.” I have found with the couples I counsel that in addition to avoiding or deflecting a trigger, discussing the trigger with your partner is another way to build trust, prevent the infidelity, and maintain the transparency required by many couples recovering from an infidelity.

I encourage you both to continue showing up for each other. I only gets better! Great work!

Dr. Hutt

]]> By: Nick http://www.counselorlink.com/infidelity-relief-couples-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-46 Nick Mon, 04 Jan 2010 05:27:27 +0000 http://www.counselorlink.com/?p=34#comment-46 I was in a relationship where I cheated. My partner was incredibly loving, and while hurt, wanted to make US work. We talked about who it was, and how it happened, and then worked backwards from there to see what led to it. We agreed on steps to take if the trigger conditions should present themselves again. We know that trust is vital, and she was willing to give me cautious trust again. The look of pain in her eyes was enough to make me stop. Knowing the trigger conditions, I now either avoid or deflect them. I make sure that when I want someone, it's her. We're lucky - we made it. I was in a relationship where I cheated. My partner was incredibly loving, and while hurt, wanted to make US work. We talked about who it was, and how it happened, and then worked backwards from there to see what led to it. We agreed on steps to take if the trigger conditions should present themselves again. We know that trust is vital, and she was willing to give me cautious trust again. The look of pain in her eyes was enough to make me stop. Knowing the trigger conditions, I now either avoid or deflect them. I make sure that when I want someone, it’s her. We’re lucky – we made it.

]]> By: Jennifer http://www.counselorlink.com/infidelity-relief-couples-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-11 Jennifer Sun, 14 Sep 2008 00:06:18 +0000 http://www.counselorlink.com/?p=34#comment-11 I just wish I knew if couples really survived this. Right now, the only information I seem to find on the web is "once a cheater, always a cheater" - but those are from G*d knows who. I wish there was something out there like groups of couples who did this and went through it - so I can get both sides- who survived. I mean really survived, not just for a few years more, but for happily ever after - if that is even possible. All I keep finding in research on the web is someone trying to sell me the secrets of healing and strengthening my marriage for the bargin price of $100. If it were that sincere in trying to help, why isn't it free? Why aren't there couple therapy groups? I want to speak with someone who has gone through this and survived, I want to know both sides of the story from others. I want to see hope. Every affair that I actually know of has ended in divorce. I want to believe that there are couples out there (who I don't know about) who made it. Its just that we ONLY hear of the bad results - those are what are made public. I just wish I knew if couples really survived this. Right now, the only information I seem to find on the web is “once a cheater, always a cheater” – but those are from G*d knows who. I wish there was something out there like groups of couples who did this and went through it – so I can get both sides- who survived. I mean really survived, not just for a few years more, but for happily ever after – if that is even possible. All I keep finding in research on the web is someone trying to sell me the secrets of healing and strengthening my marriage for the bargin price of $100. If it were that sincere in trying to help, why isn’t it free? Why aren’t there couple therapy groups? I want to speak with someone who has gone through this and survived, I want to know both sides of the story from others. I want to see hope. Every affair that I actually know of has ended in divorce. I want to believe that there are couples out there (who I don’t know about) who made it. Its just that we ONLY hear of the bad results – those are what are made public.

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